I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
