If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
