You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
