"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
