he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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