so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
