Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
