i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
