this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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