So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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