whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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