peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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