um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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