why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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