fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
