Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
