Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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