How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize