Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
