I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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