I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
