No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
