i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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