i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
