is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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