he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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