He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
