North Korea, Best Korea!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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