It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize