mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
