dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
