So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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