I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
