youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
