R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
