wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
