So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
