I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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