Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is wine microwaveable?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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