Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
