I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
