Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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