we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
