Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
