When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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