she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
