just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
