I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
