I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
50% drunk capacity currently
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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