I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
