you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
