sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
