Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
