when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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