who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
