Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
