i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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