Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
