where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
