I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
