Banned from zoo.
Again?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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