low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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