I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
