I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You're like the curious george of whores
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
