Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
organizing the empties. That sober.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
