I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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