I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
