Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
