Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
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i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
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Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize