my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
