In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
