you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
